you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
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