apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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