I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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