Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
