he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Brb crying the tears of my youth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
