Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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