I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
