the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
