I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
