And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
