I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
