Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
