We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
