I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
