Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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