I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
