thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
