I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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