this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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