I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
