Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
