and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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