Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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