yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
