I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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