i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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