The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
