just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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