cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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