Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
