Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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