Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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