She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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