I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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