I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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