A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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