Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
