there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
