I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
