if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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