Jerry, you need to find god
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
babies were throwing up all over the place
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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