Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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