If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I have fence marks all over my body
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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