Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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