Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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