In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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