i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
