We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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