I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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