next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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