the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
