I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
