remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
