Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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