you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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