when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
