Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
