i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
