i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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