I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
