wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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