i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
