My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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