"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize