Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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