This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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