Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
