I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
