is your mom at the bar?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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