I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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