i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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